Saturday, June 21, 2014

l feel like I have lost myself. In struggling to cope with the many changes I have been going through, I feel that I have completely given everything and that I have got nothing left.

Posted at 07:19 pm by cryssania
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Friday, March 14, 2014
draining, drifting away...

I feel like a candle. I'd like to think that I have given warmth and light to the people around me, and that I've been consistent in doing that. But the downside is, i feel like with the warmth and light that I give out, I am slowly melting away. And people don't notice because I am easily replaceable. I feel like a broken record. I scream and shout until my lungs give and yet no one notices. I ask for help and drown in the sea of emotions that overcome me. I feel trapped within crystal panes and broken glass dying to be free yet the hold of insecurity claws through me and refuses to let go. I feel uncertain about myself now, as if the experiences I have been through does not matter, and the small atrocities of life are given the highest priority. Stop me from sinking. Stop me from going under. Stop me from being eaten alive by my own thoughts, my own uncertainties.

Posted at 09:33 am by cryssania
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Monday, January 20, 2014
is it really worth it?

i'm trying to find an outlet that would let me release the pent up pain, the angst trying to come out from within.
i'd rather write it here than say it to your face, because it just creates a new fight. i am trying to understand you but you really upset me.

i told you that you made me feel uncomfortable at the bbq we attended 2 nights ago, where you rubbed off chocolate icing from her thigh in front of me. your reaction was atrocious.

you think i'm jealous. i'm not. i don't even feel angry or insecure. i am just perplexed that you didn't think that that act of yours is a lack of common sense and courtesy to me as your partner.

i tried describing how you made me feel and all you could think about was me comparing you to my ex fiance. i never compared you to him. i just said, and i quote, "this was also how i felt when i got introduced as a best friend." i was explaining how i felt and wanted you to understand where i am coming from, and yet, all you could think of was how i was comparing you to my ex.

and then you keep saying that you do everything for me, but haven't i done everything for you too?

last night, i asked you to prepare dinner and you reacted. you made me feel that you didn't want to cook dinner for me. so i tried to do it myself and you drove me away from the kitchen. you had this look on your face that showed me you didn't want to do it. so, i just ignored it and washed the dishes.

i just can't understand you anymore. you say that you love me, and you make me feel really hurt. i'm getting tired of trying to adjust and adapt. you always say that you're like that, i should just accept who you are but you don't do the same to me.

i am getting tired. i'm nearing my limit. i hope you realize that before it's too late.

Posted at 11:33 am by cryssania

Sunday, January 19, 2014

A scream with no sound

A feral snarl trapped within

Silently drowning inside

Slowly, slowly dying.

Posted at 06:05 pm by cryssania
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